Parenting Fears 101

Wow. It's been a long while since I updated this blog. So much has happened and changed since my last entry. As most are aware, I am currently expecting my first son, due to be born in May. I'm ecstatic, over-joyed, emotionally overwhelmed by my extreme happiness, but most of all I'm scared. Robin always tells me I worry too much, and think too much, but hey, it's the way I've always been, and sorry to say, always will remain.

I can only assume that any expecting parent feels some sense of fear when it comes to bringing a life into this world. I mean, after all you are responsible for this helpless individual, and that's a scary thing alone. But then you realize that it's your parenting and child rearing that directs them and guides them to become the person they'll be. You're to shape and form them, teach them right from wrong, instill in them values, and live an example for them. It's up to you to make sure they have all they'll need. And more than just providing basic necessities, every child deserves to have all their emotional needs met as well. A healthy mind is just as important as a healthy body. All of the decisions you make affect them in one way or another. You cannot be selfish, you must think about everything you do and say now, as little eyes are watching, and little ears are listening. This is all some pretty heavy stuff. How can I not be scared that I'll mess it up somehow?

People have predicted that I'll be a bit over-protective as a mother, and heck, even I will agree. I already dread the first time my son gets sick, and I know it's bound to happen, but just knowing I can't protect him from illness scares me. I want to be able to catch him before he takes his first fall and scrapes his knee, or bumps his head. As his mother I want to protect him from everything bad in this world, and this world is a frightening place. Just look around you. He's not even here yet, and I'm already terrified of somehow losing him.

Time is so precious, only to be wasted wisely, and I never want to miss a moment or milestone in his life. He may be my only child, there are no certainties, and I want to remain in constant frame of mind to savor every second I'm granted. I want him to remain an innocent child for as long as possible, and not let him have it robbed from him too soon by all the filth and garbage he may hear or see. He deserves better than that from me. I never want him to know my problems so his little mind will have to worry about them. I never want him to hear his parents argue, I want to respect him enough for that. I want him to see a healthy, and loving relationship between his parents so he'll grow up knowing what how to be in one himself one day. I want him to be as respectful to woman as his father is to me. He's special, he's my son, and I want him to have nothing but a happy and healthy environment all way around.

It's up to us as parents to set a prime example for him to prepare him for the harsh realities of this life. A good head on your shoulders will take you far in this life, he'll need that. When it comes time for those adolescent years, I want him to be able to make good decisions, and not be waived by peer pressure. Having said that, I'm not fool enough to think that he'll never make any mistakes, but I always want him to learn and grow from them. I'll never cover for him and uphold him when I know he's done wrong, but I will always support him and and love him through his wrong turns, and try and steer him in the right direction.

My wish for Abel is that he'll grow into a great man, and I want to do everything in my power as his mother to ensure that happens. I want him to love deeply, and affectionately, have a charitable heart, to be kind, considerate, respectful, and appreciative. I want him to have the self-esteem, and self confidence that I myself never had, and to always know that he has the ability to do anything he sets his mind to. I never want him to go a second without knowing deep within how much he's loved, and how much he was wanted. He's already everything I ever wanted, and the completion to everything I've spent my life waiting for. He never had the option of choosing me as his mother, so I can only hope to always do right by him enough that he'll never feel bitter that he ended up with me, but always proud that he got stuck with me anyway.

One thing for absolute certain I know, is that I'll forever remain in constant awareness of what a blessing he is to me. I am blessed. So blessed.